Saturday, July 21, 2012

Grieving for Our Unborn Grandchild

This past Wednesday was especially hard for me. Monday and Tuesday had been a blur, and lack of sleep and a bad cold virus had worn my body down. 

 When I awoke Wednesday, I remembered about a blog I had been following about a young woman who had lost her baby. I can't tell you exactly why I began following a blog about a crisis in a family that I don't even know, but I had felt drawn to her and I had prayed for her. The name of the baby's disease was foreign to me and I never put it to memory. It was altogether too sad for me, so I never read everything about her story. I purposely left most of the story unread.

It would have done me no good, and I didn't want to feel that much pain. I didn't need to feel her pain, but I did pray. And I did pray for myself and my kids...that we would be able to handle such a situation with grace and peace. I am so glad I prayed.

On Wednesday I felt compelled to read her blog. I was curious to remember what their journey and trial was about.  Now that my heart was already heavy with grief for , it wouldn't matter. The blog was audreycaroline. It is no longer there. It is now Angiesmithonline. I didn't know, but she is a women's conference speaker now, and her husband is a singer in the band Selah. The ironic thing is that her baby had the same disease as our baby Evie Caris- infantile polycystic kidney disease. This is a rare disease and yet out of all the internet world, I had found her blog sometime ago. I couldn't believe that it was a coincidence.

Selah wrote a song, I Will Carry You, Audrey's Song and there is a video of their family. Don't watch it if you aren't prepared to cry. 

I was alone, so I wept openly. That morning, I believe I cried for all the months and all the years that we would miss having with our granddaughter Evie. Well, actually I couldn't stop the tears all day. It wasn't just crying. It was more than just tears. Tears were the easy part. The grief is so much sea billows over me roll...take your breath away grief. 

I don't know if reading her blog in times past has helped me now, but it has reminded me afresh that the Lord knew about our future, and the hard time that we would be going through. 

Just that little thought...He knew...

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.

Isaiah 43:2

My daughter-in-law has a sweet blog about her journey at
life and grace

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  1. I read that blog as well when it first came out. The song is beautiful and reading your reflections brought chills to my heart. I can hear the song in my head. Absolutely beautiful. I also have heard radio interviews with the Smiths as they retold their journey. Amazing strength that is ONLY God provided and God nurtured.

  2. Praying for you all during this incredibly difficult challenging time. No words to offer...but my continued prayers for all of your perseverance. Courage. Helping. Comfort. And just grace for this journey...XO. M.

  3. I too was following notsoharriedhousewife blog and was encouraged by her testimony of response to her trial. I was wondering if you know what happened to the blog.

    1. Sarah's blog address has been changed to

  4. Heather, Sarah changed the blog address to